why is it so difficult?
it's like there is no one else..
every time I try to reach out and talk to some one,
I just can't.
'cause I know. No one even suspects that these thoughts exist.
every 'friend' is busy and caught up in their own lives,
in the same issues.
I try writing, but even then, hit delete..
because what's the point even.. of friends who can't meet you..
when you so badly need that.
and those beauties I keep dreaming of..
but never become real..
and I just wanna break free, runaway.
:'(
I wonder if I'll ever find someone else
who thinks like I do,
would be willing and happy just to uproot and travel..
who would fall in love.. with me,
and I, with that person.
and we'll just travel.
explore.
see the world.
I'm just so tired of being out of control
of not knowing what to do
of been so utterly unplanned
and confused.
I try to be positive..
but it just doesn't work..
and my heart hurts.
my body feels so weak
n when I walk.. it feels so aimless..
the same roads I always use..
so much monotony
maybe death is better?
I could be a spirit and explore the Earth,
the whole of the universe.
no danger.
just observe.
but maybe then I won't be able to feel anything..
no rain drops,
earthy smell,
or the sharp cold.
10 years is long enough.
and I really am losing hope..
I can't do this anymore.
7 billion people on this Earth..
there has to be others who feel the way I do..
there just has to be
:'(
