Tell me about you? please.

I have this humongous question.
Questions actually. Pretty much everyday for the last few months, weeks.. I wake up and I don't wanna get up. I simply don't have a reason. It's another day, doing nothing, in a place I don't wanna be in.

Maybe you are wondering 'so find and do something' or 'make yourself useful'.
I agree. I want to.
How would you?
I'm sick of the mundane routine. Everything. Whenever I try, all I hear is No. no this, no that, no for everything.

How do you find money to start something? For anything, art, craft whatever, money is required and I don't have it. The capital to start something.
The motivation. I know not how.
Help me?
If you are reading this, tell me how you keep yourself going?

Thank you :)

A cosy find : cocoon

Oh lovely day, hello.
ah and it was one of those days I ended up somewhere I wasn't suppose to, meeting people I wasn't suppose to, spending what I wasn't suppose to. :D yep I shouldn't feel so gleeful.

Anyways let me tell you about my find!
I was walking in one of those roads where the walls of each house is so high you wonder if any of the neighbors actually know each other. While walking I suddenly noticed a little place pop right out. It did pop, like just the previous minute it was n't there and then suddenly it was.

Yep I was heading somewhere, but turns out that place was crowded, so what should I do but turn and go back and in to this little pop up place.
Good thing too! it was so empty [maybe not good for the people who run it, but it was for me!] and spacious and so cosy and  lovely.
Unusually the whole front was glass, which I loved 'cause it's lovely to watch the world :)

Forgive me forever

forgive me forever..............

That's what I told him. That's what I asked him. In his innocence he asked why and I couldn't tell him.

The truth is I lived a lie for 8 months of the past year and I tried to tell someone. and recently I had to live that lie for a day. It scares me cz I know I have to hold the reins of my life and steer it and take responsibility.
the conflict between cultures.

Understanding.

"I decided to travel the world to escape the weddings and graduations, all that inevitable stuff after college."


That was the reason this one guy had given as to why he travels the world. I remember thinking "geez really.. weddings are a lot of fun, he must be a bit of a jerk to not want to be a part to his friends' weddings."

How very wrong I was.

Truth hit me in the face.
What a joke..the things that happened and there are too many weddings in the coming year and I understand exactly how that guy must have felt.
As much as I try to be happy for them, I wish I could be away, have a good excuse to escape to some far far away place so I won't have to face any of those stupid, irrational weddings.
Of course it's not my life, it's the life of the two people involved, but I know I'd rather not be a part to that.

It's crazy. I've seen this happening over and over again in my life. I see, hear something and think it's silly but the exact thing I wasn't convinced of happens to me or near me and it gives me a new perspective and I begin to understand.

I understand why that guy wanted to escape all that and I hope he's happy where ever in the world he might be.

As for me, more reason for me not to jump into a conclusion too soon or judge. A bit wiser than I was before.

You, reading this. You have a good day :)

In the beyond

and when we meet the final unknown [which we all must one day]
will we dread the beyond
or embrace as long lost friends.
would 'the now' have ever really mattered
or would we realize the extent of an illusion.

maybe it will be absolute freedom
maybe it will be the worst enslavement
but to go on,
when every ounce is drained.
so what is the real curse